The Oscar for Most Cherished Friend goes to: Marilyn Revier

My friend Marilyn in South Dakota and I have watched the Oscars together for about 30 years.  It didn't stop when I moved to Texas 25 years ago.  Now our evening starts with a phone call before the show and then more calls during commercials. 


Watching the Oscars with Marilyn is one of the highlights of my year.  Certainly the show itself is nothing to write home about.  This year was no exception: a great opening and closing with a drawn out and punishing middle.  Marilyn is definitely the best part of the show each year.


I feel it is a privilege that this great woman still wants to spend the evening with me.  Her days are filled with friends and family, in and out of her home. I mean she is busy caring for children and grandchildren and neighbors and friends.   Of course the daily traffic is not as heavy as it used to be when she shared her home with Ray, beloved husband and devoted father and grandfather who died a few years back.  As busy as she is, she still sets aside time for an old friend.


Marilyn holds and will always hold a special place in my heart.  I believe she is the reason my family works.   


Paul and I had only each other when our first child was born July 4,1982.  After four years of marriage, we had broken our promise to each other not to have children.   By December 1985, we had broken our promise two more times.  We were now parents to three little ones.


I had some practice with babies, what with babysitting other people's children and younger family members.  Paul had zero practice.  Nada. Bupkis.  And we had no immediate family to turn to for guidance. 


Enter Marilyn.  Our guardian angel ran a home daycare.  She invited us to bring our two week old baby to her home for a meet and greet and then we could make the decision whether this would be where Andrea spent her days.


I am tearing up as I recall first seeing this marvel of a woman.  Mostly I remember how enthusiastic she was about our baby, pointing out this and that, stuff that no one else had noticed.  I hadn't noticed.  She knew all the baby parts and what they were for.  She was amazing.


As I look back, I understand how much I needed someone to show me how to love and care for my children.  That person was Marilyn.  I learned everything about how I wanted my family to be from her.  Not just how and what to feed a toddler or when a rash is serious enough to call the doctor, but the other real stuff of families.  I wanted closeness and conflict and laughter and tears.   I wanted to embrace this entity we had produced and hold onto it and to never let go.  Was that even possible?


Turns out it was.  We are strong as a family today because of Marilyn.  Even though it feels like a lot to pin on one person, I most certainly credit her for showing us the way.  I saw her love her own family almost as much as she loved mine.  Or it felt that way.  We weren't the only family she cared about.  Far from it.  There were hundreds over the years.  So much heart in one single person.  


I love our Oscar nights.  I cherish my dear friend Marilyn.

Words without meaning

My father is 90 years old.  He has dementia and lives in a facility in Missoula, Montana, that specializes in caring for such people.  He has no memory of his life, including the woman he shared it with. 


His wife of almost 70 years, my mom, cared for him in their home until she had heart bypass surgery in the fall of 2013.  The strain of witnessing her partner's decline most certainly contributed to her weakening heart.


Now she visits him in the nearby facility.  Last week she says he had a small seizure during one visit.  Seated on the edge of his bed, he suddenly slumped over, nearly falling.  Staff responded immediately and placed him safely in his bed. There is no need to seek medical care. Specific instructions stating what not to do in a medical emergency are posted on his door. 


My mom, who is 87 by the way, tells the story without emotion, just as one would expect from a second generation Norwegian-American. She says the next morning she finds him in the community dining area at the table awaiting breakfast.  He is reading from some pamphlet.  Actually reading the words but not comprehending the meaning. 


Words without meaning.  That's what my father's life has come to.  I want to complete the thought, but I have taken this too far as it is.  I really don't have the right to make any more observations out of respect for my mom and dad.


As a couple, my parents were always a force.  I guess they still are.

Mary from Texas calling

I got a new car in December, and with it, a year of SiriusXM free.  I had totally forgotten how great this service is.  And, turns out one of the talk radio shows is hosted by one of my favorite comedians and actors, John Fugelsang.


So yesterday work takes me to Kemp, Tx., which gives me about two hours of radio time, one of those with Fugelsang's show.  I am excited as I tap the preloaded station on the fancy touch screen of my new Jeep Cherokee, wondering what new stuff I am going to learn.  You can't blame me for being deflated as a Brady football when I hear my host and others talking about Sarah Palin and her most recent garbled speech.


Ah, shit!


It then occurs to me to call in and argue that her 15 minutes of fame is up, which I do, and in less than five minutes I am on air talking to John.


For sure I lost the argument.  I said something about it being too easy to take shots at her; yes, it was ok to criticize McCain for his continued support.  Yada, yada.  Then John points out the gazillions of followers she has and makes the case that she still wields a hefty political sword.


After the brief exchange, I was left to think about what I should have said, just like in the Seinfeld episode where George can't think of a good comeback until later.


Here's paraphrasing the host and what I should have said:


John: Her massive support means she deserves our attention.
Me: Two wrongs don't make a right.
or
Me: Maybe if we stopped giving her attention, she wouldn't have such massive support. 
or
Me:  The Jerk Store called and they're running out of Sarah Palin.


No mind.  It gave me something to talk about with my buddy Diane in Des Moines while John wrapped up the Palin bit.  Seriously, I have reached my threshold on the woman.  Diane agrees - and includes Newt Gingrich in the Jerk Store category.


Ok. Wait.  I just thought of one very last thing worth mentioning about SP.  Bill Maher had the best line regarding her ridiculous speech.  "If Sarah Palin suffers a stroke, how will we know?"




Me: She is that rare comedic gift that keeps on giving.  My threshold just expanded.


xxx

I told you so

Last year Democratic candidates distanced themselves from President Obama, some not even admitting they had voted for him.  Today, with his approval rating now at 50 percent and still climbing, it's a different story.

Damn. They should have listened to the legion of loyal supporters who saw and felt what was happening.  But they ignored the growing chant, "wait for it, wait for it ... ."

Their loss.

Nostalgic

I miss Point-Counterpoint.  Journalists Shana Alexander and James Kilpatrick used to debate an issue for a few minutes at the close of 60 Minutes.  It was the 1970s and people were adjusting to civil rights and women's rights.  Every week millions of viewers looked forward to their lively back and forth on the major issues. Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtain would go on to parody the TV segment on Saturday Night Live.  Akroyd's best and most famous line, "Jane, you ignorant slut," still kills.


Of course I rooted for Alexander.  Kilpatrick's positions were easy to argue against because he was always wrong.  Context.  He had supported states allowing segregation before he opposed it.  He even debated his position with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  


Maybe it's the simplicity of the format that I miss.  It didn't go on and on and on.  It had a beginning and an end.  Nothing today exists like it.  Just the opposite. 


I am nostalgic today because tonight is the State of the Union speech. I will watch the speech and the rebuttal by Iowa Senator Joni Ernst. The never-ending commentary?  I will take a pass, at the same time desperately missing a shorter and sweeter point-counterpoint on the night's festivities. 






    

Welcome, 2015

I like our odds in 2015.

2015 is the year our son-in-law will graduate nursing school.  That will be nothing less than transformative for him, my daughter and their two children.


2015 is the year our son will find his personal and professional momentum.  He ended the previous year in a new job that is worthy of his skills and principles and ambition.


2015 is the year my youngest granddaughter will likely find out she is going to be a big sister.  I understand this is risky to predict, but I feel it's going to happen.


2015 is the year my husband will enjoy more out of life thanks to hip replacement surgery in late September.  The full benefits of it will be realized in the new year.


2015 is the year I, too, enjoy more out of life.  Just because. 

My life is not pointless

This morning one of my dear friends posted on FB "Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - no point."  Wanted to post a funny comment but resisted as that never goes over well. 
I keep quiet out of respect. 


Truth is, I do live a life without her perspective of God.  But my life is not pointless by any measure.  I am religious in an unconventional sense.  More spiritual than religious, which is a valid belief system.  I have come to respect and expect those moments that challenge my thinking and understanding of the way things are.  Those moments of understanding at how tiny a space one occupies in the cosmos and then, like a gift, humility appears.  Those moments when your heart almost bursts from love or from despair.  Quiet moments.  Loud moments.  Obvious and subtle moments.  Moments that prove my life is filled with an abundance of meaning.


I would post this comment on my friend's FB but then what?  I would have to defend something I don't really understand, nor care to set boundaries around.  It just is.  I like it better that way.  No real attachment to specifics.  More of a deal or bargain.  I accept that for my part I will be a good citizen while I am alive, and in return, I get to have a good life.


So far it's working out.


Next topic: Define "good life."