DIY

DIY.  You know the acronym for do it yourself?  It sends shivers down my back.

I leave for Leander and Austin on a sunny March Monday morning in the company of my beloved daughter Andrea and granddaughters Addison and Finley.  We are off to visit our beloved Jenny and Michael.

No signs of trouble on the home front before we leave.  Nothing to be concerned about.  I kiss my husband goodbye and tell him I will miss him. 

When we return on Wednesday, the pool is turning an appropriate color for Sunday's St. Patrick's Day. 

What happened, my husband?

I'm fixing the pump.  I think a pipe is clogged. 

That would explain why the backyard is full of holes, exposed PVC pipe and miscellaneous shovels and other digging apparatus.  And hack saw.  The dreaded hack saw.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday.  No luck.  No solution to the non-pumping pump.  Now the pool water is definitely green.  Dark green. 

Paul, god bless him, still is optimistic.  Optimistic!  He will find the clog, destroy it, and regain supremacy over his backyard. 

Sunday afternoon.  Paul comes to me and says he cut into a copper pipe and it is gushing water, filling up the hole rapidly.  I wonder if we have flood insurance.

Turns out the copper piping was hidden under a PVC pipe Paul was sawing.  No one could have seen this pipe, for real.  It was hugging the PVC pipe, undetectable.  Until Paul hacksawed through it.

After multiple attempts to figure out how and why this was happening, including shutting off our house water supply, nothing would stop the gush from the mystery copper pipe.

We call the plumber (Sunday afternoon, ouch).  He has the same luck as we did.  None.  He checked the neighbor's water meter and concluded we had not sabotaged their supply.  He said we had to call the city. 

A very nice man from the city water department shows up later Sunday afternoon and concludes this is some kind of rogue copper pipe.  Why is it gushing water?  No idea.  So the plan is to drain the pool below the level of this copper pipe and see what happens.

It worked!!!  No more gushing!!!  Whew.  That was a load off.  But wait.  Now we have a partially drained pool, the water is now looking more purple than green, and the pump still is not fixed.

Is Paul dissuaded?  Heck no.  He is KING of the DIY's. 

To his credit he figures out that the water-gushing copper pipe carried electrical wiring to the pool light, which hasn't worked in 15 years - because the wiring is soaking wet! 

Paul's got an idea.  He will clamp and cut and paste and ... whatever.  He gives it his DIY best.  He also starts a FIRE.  A fire that he has to dump dirt on, which luckily was in great supply from previously dugup yard.

No one can say Paul didn't give this one his all.  He fought to the bitter end.  This Friday we have a company coming to give us an estimate on pool repair.

Please be kind to Paul this week.

 

Git ur tin foil hats ready!

Did you hear what's happening this month?  On the 23rd to be exact.

That's the day Obamacare begins implanting microchips into our fingers/hands.  The information will contain all our medical and banking information.  We will be at the mercy of this government.  One tiny step outside the line and BAM!  Our identity is wiped clean.  Or something similarly awful and scary.

Surprised?  Don't be.  This has been in the works for years.  Well, since 2009 to be exact.  That's about the time Congress started debating health care legislation.

You see, there was a provision in it to track implants, such as pacemakers and hip replacements.  It was proposed that by gathering said information, we could track good and bad outcomes and thereby provide implant consumers with better information.  This part of the legislation was NOT included in Obamacare.

Somehow though, an email in 2009 was sent and resent to many, many people - several assumed to be wearing tin foil hats - warning that Obama and his army of ghastly and horrible people were conspiring to begin microchip implants.  Mandatory. 

Now, in defense of the tin foilees, a scientist HAS actually implanted a chip in his hand before.  In the UK in 1998.  He used his chip to open doors and such.  I totally want one.  Paul just found my lost car keys after looking for a month!

And there's a company in the US that will chip your kid as a means of protection, as in GPS to locate should they go missing.

It was just a couple of weeks ago that I first heard about the March 23rd date that we start getting our Obama chips.  I became concerned the person earnestly delivering this information was suffering some mental collapse, so I googled "microchip implant."  Turns out this person is not card-carrying delusional.  Just card-carrying gullible.  And this person has a lot of company.

My advice: if you're low on foil, better get some now cuz there's going to be a run on it round about the 23rd.