My daughter tells me my granddaughter spent the last couple of days with her OTHER grandparents. I gotta say I didn't care for that. Jealous? Yep. Selfish? Sure. But I think it needs to be said and even examined - for the sake of increasing my brain power.
I just read in the New York Times that our middle age brains are still developing, still building new pathways. Yay!! Recent research has come up with an odd finding, one I'm not sure I completely understand (URL to article attached). As I understand it, the idea is to build on existing pathways - not so much a renovation of pathways, but rather an addition to long-lost or forgotten pathways. Stuff you've forgotten can be accessed and even enhanced by challenging your assumptions, something called disorienting dilemma. Learning something new. Examples given: understand multiple views/perspectives, learn a new language, take a different route to work. Stop being a creature of habit - unless you're happy with a weakling brain.
Ok. Challenging assumptions. I should be happy that my granddaughter has multiple grandparents. Hmmm. I understand that grandchildren are different than children. I didn't have to share my children, but I have to share my grandchildren. My kids didn't have grandparents in their daily lives. My granddaughter lives within an hour of both sets of grandparents. Holidays have to be shared with both sets of grandparents. That's a foreign notion. Maybe I could exert my great influence and power - demand that my granddaughter be allowed only to visit me. That might not go over very well.
When I was a child, I had a good relationship with both my grandmothers. Not so much my grandfathers. My maternal grandfather died when I was about 8. I don't remember him other than when he was sick at our house, my mom made him bread soaked in warm milk, served in a bowl. My paternal grandfather was likely too busy a lot of the time to pay much attention to me. That's my assumption that I won't challenge today.
My grandma Esther Lochridge was a wonderful woman, really. Pastor's wife. She lived for her husband, Frank, and her two sons, my father Frank Jr. and uncle John, who recently died. I spent a lot of time with my Grandma L. A couple of times, I got to stay a whole 2 weeks, just me, with my grandparents. Grandma L's sister lived in the same town - Mitchell, SD - so I also got a lot of attention from Aunt Cloe as well. They made me feel special. We did a lot of every day stuff: breakfast, wash dishes, make beds, lunch, wash dishes, cook dinner, wash dishes. I don't remember TV there. I had a friend in the neighborhood and was allowed to play at her house. Of course there was church on Sunday. My grandmother was very particular about the way she kept her house. That's for sure. A place for everything and everything in its place. I loved her very much.
My grandma Madge Eskelson seemed to be the polar opposite of Grandma L. Grandma E was a teacher, married to a teacher. My grandfather also was superintendent of schools in a small South Dakota town. After WWII, he and my grandmother moved the family (including my namesake Aunt Mary) to Pierre where my grandfather spent 16 years at the then Department of Rehabilitation, the agency formed to assist soldiers. My grandparents were staunch Republicans. I know this because my Grandma E actually hit me when I told her I had registered Democrat. It hurt her more than me. My Grandma E was smart. She tutored kids in reading when she was in her 90s! She also was funny. The picture that comes to mind when I think of her is her laughing. I thought she was fun. I loved her very much.
In my office, I keep a treasured picture of my grandmothers together, cooking at my childhood house on that rare Thanksgiving we all were together.
So, what assumption am I challenging today, what's my disorienting dilemma? Sharing my granddaughter. I don't want to, but I guess as I think about it and recall my own two beloved grandmothers, it's the way it's supposed to be. For all of us.
Hey. Maybe this brain workout really does work. I challenged an assumption, visited old pathways and learned something new. I actually feel better about sharing my granddaughter. Not completely. But better. That's progress.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/education/edlife/03adult-t.html?em
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