Changing the way you eat inevitably changes other habits. It's like CBT therapy (cognitive behavioral therapy). Pick one of the following to change about a problem: the way you think about it, the way you feel about it or change a behavior and your problem is solved. Problem as in wanting to hurt yourself or someone else (most often your partner), thinking some one's out to get you (often true), being addicted to (fill in the blank), etc. It's domino effect. If you change the way you think about your partner, you change the way you feel and behave toward that person. If you change the way you discipline your child, you change the way you feel and think about yourself and your relationship with your child. Get it?
My problem (one of them) is emotional eating. That is to say the eating is a symptom of my emotional sickness. My behavior was set long ago in response to insecurities: I am nervous (eat), they don't like me (eat), I don't like me (eat). I don't have anywhere near those low levels of insecurities, but I still emotionally eat. So, my behavior began as a way to soothe my feelings, and turned into a full-blown addiction. That's the way I choose to see it anyway. My food of choice has been sweets and carbs. Have you ever found yourself just mindlessly eating? No? I do it all the time (see previous posts My tummy hurts, Damn you Paul). So, in day 7, I find my self finally challenged. This part of the vegan venture becomes my moment of truth.
I had a stressful couple of days at work. There's really no one I can talk to about it. I have to be a big girl. Last night I fretted. Did I say the right things? Did I handle that correctly? Horrible events that don't involve me personally of course, but when it involves the vulnerable... you get the idea.
This morning I am feeling a little hung over. Emotionally hung over. Normally, I would go for eggs and toast. Gooey eggs. Maybe some jelly on toast. Then I would think I really want peanut butter and honey on toast so I put two more pieces of bread in the toaster. I tell myself that I will not eat much the rest of the day. First lie. I get busy on something and by 11 I am starving. I tell myself all the activity has burned off just the correct amount of calories so I CAN eat lunch. Second lie. I am fatigued after eating, so I take a nap. Paul then about 5 or 6ish begins making something wonderful for dinner. I tell myself I have to eat or it will hurt his feelings, besides I am starved again. Third lie. Paul has made a cake/cookies/cupcakes. I eat them. They are good.
As I tell my clients, you can't just drop an addiction without replacing it with something else. I think this blog has to be, for now, my something else. I can't drink, not because I'm against alcohol, but because I just don't like it. Pot is not legal. Besides, I would really hate that dragging feeling. I like energy. And I do feel I have more after 6 days. Just not this morning. I'll get there. There are other sources of energy for me: my doggies, my granddaughter, my kids, my husband (not so much in that order), and I even have a couple of friends. Jenny and Michael are arriving tonight for the weekend. I will think about that today.
Until then... wish me luck.
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