Lessons learned

For a month almost I have been fighting the plague. Today I believe I have won. Today I finally feel like posting.

Feb. 9th was the 10 year anniversary of my triple heart bypass surgery. I've never written about it and not sure I should go there. The only pain I really recall preceded the surgery: both physical and emotional. 10 years have healed both. I don't take my life for granted. I fiercely love my family and would take a bullet for any one of them (clarification: those living in Texas and Rhode Island... well, and a few in Montana, maybe even South Dakota).

Faced with death, I want to live well. Faced with death, I better understand what it takes to live well. Here are some things I better understand:

1. Forgiveness. This is big in life. Better to say "I'm sorry" to a loved one than to say "I love you." It carries a bigger punch, it means more. For sure the "sorry" rule is kind of confusing. As women, it's often on the tip of our tongue in social and professional settings. That's where we need to come up with something else to say than "sorry." In a relationship, the rules change. Right? How many times do you hear your significant other say the word? How often do you say it? It can melt tension faster than anything. Forgiveness is also something we should give ourselves. We're human. We make mistakes.

2. Passivity is passe'. How useful is being passive? Some people are good at it intentionally, others come by it genetically/environmentally. Shyness can produce it. Fear produces it. Over time, it becomes what's familiar, and worse, it becomes what others expect from you. It prevents you from speaking up. It puts doubt in your head. Doubt about your true abilities and purpose in life. It prevents you from charging forward, asking for what you want and what you need. The opposite of passive is aggressive. Both words carry liabilities. Instead, you want to shoot for assertiveness.

3. Assertiveness. Stand up for yourself, ask for what you want and need. In doing this, you show others that you value yourself. The result: others begin to see your value.

4. Accountability. You are responsible for your own happiness, for your own successes, for your own ambitions and goals. Don't look to your children or partner. It's not there. They, of course are a gigantic part of it. But your emotional health, like your physical health, is your sole responsibility.

5. Curiosity. This turns out to be a great way to look outside yourself. A distraction for ego centrists. Combined with a sense of wonder, curiosity enhances the human experience. Having interests outside ourselves makes us more interesting.

I guess I could go on, but these 5 things for me are the biggies. The last 10 years have been the best of my life and I believe the next 10 will be even better.