Getting a divorce

I've made a decision. I'm getting a divorce. Moving on. Not looking back. I can't put it together anymore. We are a jumble of confusion and headed in a million directions. When it began, I relied on faith for direction. I knew the path was long, but it's gone too far off course for correction.

It's hard to abandoned something I've spent so much time nurturing. But it's the only way, the right thing to do. I need to get unstuck.

So, as of today, I am divorcing my first book draft and starting over.

You are my sunshine

Addie keeps us entertained. She is exploding with personality. She is good at letting you know what she wants. She is my sunshine.

Sleep tight, the bed bug hype is worse than their bite

Did you know that bed bugs can go a whole year without eating? 12 months! No food! I can't go 12 minutes without eating.

That's one of the big secrets to bed bug longevity. In fact, they've been around the U.S. since Colonial times, brought over by the first wave of immigrants. I know this about them because I have just come from the Bed Bug Institute website. First of all, can you believe there's a Bed Bug Institute? Really, it's a clearinghouse for other websites.

Of course we've all heard the recent nightmares about bed bug infestations. Especially in New York City. I hadn't really been paying attention as I operate on need to know basis. Well, now I need to know because I found out this week that one of the establishments I frequent has bed bugs in their furniture. I won't reveal the location because of the bed bug stigma, really almost hysteria. (It's not my house. I felt a selfish need to state that.)

Really, bed bugs are not that scary. When you find out more about them as I have, they're downright adorable. Here's a couple of useful things I found out:

- Bed bugs do not discriminate. The best homes as well as grand institutions (NYC Public Library) harbor them.

- Bed bugs don't carry disease. Apparently in all the research of bed bugs, not one study has shown them to make humans or animals sick. Itchy? Yes.

All this bed bug attention has given new meaning to the once benign warning, "Don't let the bed bugs bite." Really, I stopped saying it years ago. It seemed unnecessary to frighten my little children just before they were to fall asleep. Until recently, though, it still seemed something of an endearing thing to say to children, a sweet way to tease. Delivered with affection. But not anymore.

Maybe we can come up with an updated version of the old. How about:

- Let the bed bugs bite, don't put up a fight.
- Let the bed bugs bite, they only come out at night.
- If the bed bugs bite, squish 'em.
- Bed bugs are your friends, sleep tight.
- Sleep tight, bed bugs are alright.

Naw. They don't have the same sweet ring. I guess until we come up with something else, I can assure my children that their children (present and future) are safe. Grandma will never utter a word to them about bed bugs. She's back to need to know, and they simply don't need to know.

I must be doing something wrong

Last night was my support group night. I have the privilege of facilitating a weekly women's support group at a homeless shelter. I have been doing this on behalf of my agency since February, 2008. I am there in a professional capacity to impart my learned therapeutic methods that hopefully will be of some help to these women. Get it? I am there to help THEM.

So why do I almost always leave the shelter feeling better and inspired to go out into the world and do my best work? This is not supposed to be the way it goes. The group is for THEIR benefit, not mine.

Maybe it's not what I am doing wrong, it's what they are doing right. Here's a sampling of what I keep seeing:

1. Women who are mortified at the idea of coming to a shelter but do so for the sake of their children. They eat humble pie in order to feed their children.

2. Women who have been hurt by others in ways so horrifying, and still they willingly share with others their hope for the future.

3. Women without a home or transportation or employment speak of ways they want to help others.

4. Women living their faith.

5. Women speaking of all they are grateful for: life, their children, faith, the shelter ...

6. Women who persevere. They believe opportunity is around the corner. If not today, tomorrow. If not tomorrow, the next day.

I could go on. Each of these women has a story that could inspire even the hardest of hearts. The truth is, I shouldn't get paid for facilitating this group, I should be paying them. (Just don't tell my agency).

Newt's true colors

I think we may need to come up with a new word for politics. Too bad cannibalism already is taken.

Disgusting things are being said about our president. I know the same can be said about President Bush, but this is different. The vile pandering is coming from leaders in the Republican Party not just from the blogisphere fringe. Newt Gingrich, I believe, hit a new all-time low this week.

Gingrich is stirring the pot in the most ugly way. To say he's using racism doesn't adequately describe his message. It's even more cynical than that. He's aiming his vile propaganda at the most gullible in a calculating manner. He knows these are loyalists of his who will take up his words and repeat them as truth. Gingrich targets the most vulnerable to be used to do his dirty work, to spread the Newt virus that threatens to destroy our democracy.

I could make parallels here with other vile leaders (Amadenijad) but that would be too easy.

Here's what Gingrich said. I heard the audio of this last night and ripped the exact quote from the Sacramento Bee newspaper.

"What if (Obama) is so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together (his actions). This is a person who is fundamentally out of touch with how the world works, who happened to have played a wonderful con, as a result of which he is now president."

Why does this hit home? This summer a poll of Texas Republicans showed Gingrich the favorite to run for president.

Gingrich doesn't deserve our consideration. He's shown his true colors and they aren't red, white and blue.

Inflation

I am now down to the wire. No turning back. Time has run out. I gotta bite the bullet. Fish or cut bait. Colonoscopy time. Inflate the colon and take a look inside. It's got to be done. Of course the good news about this procedure is something called twilight sedation. I am going to focus on that. I could use a good sedation.

We will miss you!

Today is a goodbye day at work. Chauntae is leaving us, she was an intern for the last year. She's the kind of intern you will remember. Others you don't. I don't have to say why, that would be mean. I have told her she will likely be my boss some day. Decisive. Compassionate. Confident. Smart. Current. And she has a very cute little girl named Olivia.

I guess since she's going to be my boss, I don't have to say goodbye. I'll just say, you will be missed, Chauntae!