Sleep tight, the bed bug hype is worse than their bite

Did you know that bed bugs can go a whole year without eating? 12 months! No food! I can't go 12 minutes without eating.

That's one of the big secrets to bed bug longevity. In fact, they've been around the U.S. since Colonial times, brought over by the first wave of immigrants. I know this about them because I have just come from the Bed Bug Institute website. First of all, can you believe there's a Bed Bug Institute? Really, it's a clearinghouse for other websites.

Of course we've all heard the recent nightmares about bed bug infestations. Especially in New York City. I hadn't really been paying attention as I operate on need to know basis. Well, now I need to know because I found out this week that one of the establishments I frequent has bed bugs in their furniture. I won't reveal the location because of the bed bug stigma, really almost hysteria. (It's not my house. I felt a selfish need to state that.)

Really, bed bugs are not that scary. When you find out more about them as I have, they're downright adorable. Here's a couple of useful things I found out:

- Bed bugs do not discriminate. The best homes as well as grand institutions (NYC Public Library) harbor them.

- Bed bugs don't carry disease. Apparently in all the research of bed bugs, not one study has shown them to make humans or animals sick. Itchy? Yes.

All this bed bug attention has given new meaning to the once benign warning, "Don't let the bed bugs bite." Really, I stopped saying it years ago. It seemed unnecessary to frighten my little children just before they were to fall asleep. Until recently, though, it still seemed something of an endearing thing to say to children, a sweet way to tease. Delivered with affection. But not anymore.

Maybe we can come up with an updated version of the old. How about:

- Let the bed bugs bite, don't put up a fight.
- Let the bed bugs bite, they only come out at night.
- If the bed bugs bite, squish 'em.
- Bed bugs are your friends, sleep tight.
- Sleep tight, bed bugs are alright.

Naw. They don't have the same sweet ring. I guess until we come up with something else, I can assure my children that their children (present and future) are safe. Grandma will never utter a word to them about bed bugs. She's back to need to know, and they simply don't need to know.