At the end of my life, for the record, I want to be a burden on my children. Just so it's clear. Burden. I want that.
Recently I have been working more and more with older adults and their families. There's a theme or pattern emerging: these folks don't want to be a burden on their children, and in some instances, the children are not so crazy about being burdened. That's the word they use: burden.
Well. The children of the Baby Boomers are in for a whopper of burdening as we continue to age, the oldest among us is about to hit 70. Dementia is just around the corner for many, heart disease already has come calling, and knees and backs gave up years ago... this is not the direction I thought I was going with this blog.
Back to being a burden. Ok. The burden part I could understand IF the parent was a monster. In some cases, children do have a pass on being caregivers to older relatives. But for most of us, we did our best and now we need, or will be needing, a little extra help. I don't call that being a burden. I call that knowing your limits and being able to set aside pride and ask for help. From your children.
I fully intend to rely on my children AND their spouses AND my grandchildren AND, God willing, my grandchildren's spouses. Case in point: I will have to stop driving at some point and fully expect them to come get me for my weekly trip to Braums. I won't be demanding, I hope. They will be given advance notice. I promise to be grateful and buy whatever treat they want. I will be getting the vanilla yogurt in a cone. Small.
Burden. It's such a harsh word to hang on our children; or for them to hang on us. Consider what Thomas a Kempis, 15th Century religious man wrote:
Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble...
Oh, what a wonderful sentiment. I sure hope that's the way my kids feel in about 10-15 years.
3 comments:
Hopefully we will all be super rich in the future.
Because it wouldn't be such a burden if we had lots of money.
Be a burden!! Embrace the burdenness!!
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